YGG, Golden Globes

You guys. 
Did you watch the Golden Globes on Sunday night? 
It was drizzling outside, but inside, the women of Hollywood were MAKING IT RAIN with feminism. 
From Tina's tux to Transparent's win, the 72nd Golden Globe awards were stuffed with girl power. And it was awesome. 

In their final turn at hosting (cue sobbing here) Tina Fey and Amy Poehler nailed it once again, and brought the heat, setting the tone for the entire evening. 

The duo (and funniest feminists on the block) used their opening monologue as a lady-power platform that couldn't have been better. 
In the first ten minutes they:
- Called out Bill Cosby, bringing rape culture to the front of the conversation, giving the clear

cut message that his behavior IS NOT OK
- Detailed Amal Alamuddin's accomplishments in their introduction for George Clooney creating a clever bit about Hollywood double standards 
- Commented on roles for women of a certain age in reference to Patricia Arquette in Boyhood: "It proves there are roles for women over forty... As long as you get hired when you're under forty." 
- Readdressed double standards saying that it took Steve Carell less time in the makeup chair for Foxcatcher than a normal woman does for an awards show .
- Played "would you rather" about the male nominees turning objectification upside down.

All of that in a single opening monologue. 
Bam. 
It was everything good. - The complete and total antithesis to Seth MacFarlane's "We Saw Your Boobs" song at the Oscars that I've been trying to forget for 2 years. 
This article said it best when she said the reason Amy & Tina are so likable isn't because they are traditionally "feminine" or "dainty" - it's because they're SMART. 
Whether the queens of comedy provided the other women in the room with the moxy to follow suit (suit, get it?), or it would have happened any way - the evening bloomed into a full-blown feminist eruption. 

Basically every single female award winner of the evening commented on female empowerment. 

Gina Rodriguez' win for Jane The Virgin recognized her culture who "wants to be seen as heroes" (and has made me cry all three times I've watched it.)

Joanne Frogatt won best supporting actress for Downton Abbey and used her speech as a platform to elevate the voices of rape survivors. "I heard You." 

Maggie Gyllenhaal made me fall in love with her all over again when her speech commended the triumph of roles for "actual" and "complicated" women on screens large and small, saying it was "revolutionary and evolutionary." (She also wins cutest pixie cut and brother/sister team for the year) 

Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin, some of the OG hollywood feminists cleverly and succinctly addressed the haggard "women aren't funny" issue in their intro for actor in a comedy. 

Patricia Arquette heralded struggling single mothers. 

Sarah Treem who won for The Affair stated that women have been "waiting in the wings for a long time, and they’re ready to take center, storytelling stage."

Amy Adams thanked all the women in the room for their strong voices that inspire her young daughter by speaking to her so loudly. 

Julianne Moore spoke out about performances for and by middle aged women. 

And in an exciting final act, Transparent's wins promoted "teach[ing] the world about authenticity and love" 

And even when Jeremy Renner made the douchey unnecessary joke about Jennifer Lopez' breasts, Oprah was there to give him the "aw hell no" look. 

It was an awesome night for women all around, and all I can hope is that this is not a trend but a change. While Tina and Amy are moving on (I'm crying even harder now), they, and the other women in Hollywood who spoke out on that stage, have opened the door and set a new precedent for empowered women on screens of every kind. And it's the best. 

Oh. And Lupita Nyong'o wore glasses and was the most beautiful smart girl ever. 

YGG,GG. You go girl, Golden Globes. 

Unrelated: The Lego Movie was robbed. 

Lessons from #GIRLBOSS

Last month I read Sophia Amoruso's new book, #GIRLBOSS, and loved it.
The fashion entrepreneur tells her story of going from dumpster-diving deviant to millionaire CEO of Nasty Gal clothing within 8 short years. 
She writes with gusto and makes anything seem possible if you work hard, follow your passion and believe in yourself. 
What is a GIRLBOSS? A GIRLBOSS means you're always striving to be the best. Boss is about an attitude, not a title. Being a GIRLBOSS means you're always pushing yourself further and that you're not afraid to stand out. 
All good stuff, no?
While many of the messages are fairly remedial (obviously you should be nice to the people you work with), they also serve as good reminders when you see them all laid out in print.
There was a lot of wisdom in the book ranging from obvious to poignant, and I took the time to mark some of my favorites to share with you. 
Here are some great lessons ranging from believing in yourself to believing in your outfit, all coming together to be a GIRLBOSS.

- Failure is your own invention.

- You belong wherever you want to belong. 

- It is she who listens to the rest of the world who fails, & it is she who has enough confidence to define success & failure for herself who succeeds. 

- No matter who you are in life, you'll save a lot of time by not worrying too much about what other people think about you.

- You are capable of leading an awesome life no matter where you fit or don't fit in. 

- Choose what fashion means to you.

- Embrace all the things that make you different.

- Don't get drunk on your own success.

- You have to be excited & passionate about your ideas to make them work. 

- Money looks better in the bank then on your feet. 

- Chase what works - let go of what doesn't. 

- A good idea is only good if there is a well thought out plan to make it a reality.

- Take risks. The risks are where the breakthrough happens. 

- Dream & never stop dreaming.

- Fake it till you make it.

- You may not nail it in the first try, & that's ok. Be open & keep your head up when something doesn't work out.

- You don't get what you don't ask for.

- Know when to shut up & when to speak up.

- Hire people better than you - challenge yourself. 

- Save 10% of every paycheck. 

- Be creative, no matter what you're doing. 

- Bet on yourself. 

- Know what you don't know.

- "Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle' ~ Abraham Lincoln

- Being the person who says "nothing is below me" makes you the person who stands out. 

- Keep your promises. 

- Be willing to put in the time. 

- Always have smart answers - even to dumb questions.

- Look up and around - if you're not finding something inspiring, you're not looking hard enough. 

- Dream Big- but know the first step to get to that dream will be a small one.

- Get excited about the mistakes you will make.

- You don't have to know exactly where you're going in order to get there. 

- 'When you don't dress like everyone else, you don't have to think like everyone else' ~ Iris Apfel

- Confidence is more attractive than anything you could put on your body.

- You create the world, blink by blink.

- Compete with yourself, not with others.

What tips do you think help make a GIRLBOSS?

An Open Letter to Hobby Lobby

Dear Hobby Lobby ~ 
How are you? 
I hope you haven't been partying too hard this past week in celebration of the recent Supreme Court ruling in your favor. 

How does that feel, by the way? Pretty awesome, I bet. 
You must be pretty pleased with yourself that your company has changed the course for women's right to contraceptives through their employers. Well done. 
It must feel so empowering that you've given major for-profit organizations the same rights as individuals! WAY TO GO! 

Your 23,000 employees are probably so grateful to you. 
Now they get to continue selling discounted crafts supplies in your soul-sucking, potpourri-scented warehouses, AND that awful weight of deciding of what to do with their own bodies has been lifted! They are SO lucky! 
Not only do you pay them $9.41 an hour, but now you've made it a point to really look out for the decisions they make in their personal lives as well. 
Take THAT Obamacare! 

Those silly women on the Supreme Court only voted the way they did because they were probably on their periods, which we all know prevents them from making rational decisions. It's like when that liberal hellion Hillary Clinton made a statement saying this decision is a "really bad slippery slope" for women's rights. She just doesn't realize that YOU guys know better! 

I'm sure that earning almost 4 billion dollars in revenue last year took no part in the way this  decision went. With that amount of money you totally deserve the same rights as the minimum-wage paid individuals who work for your company. 
It must also feel cool to overturn a government mandated element in health care reform that was only there to help - dare I say it  - the liberal agenda. (I know, gross, right?)  
And with you giving nearly half of that annual income away to The Pentecostal Church of the God of Prophecy every year, thank GOD (oops, sorry - I mean thank goodness) that you're saving every last penny through a stand like this. Smart thinkin, guys. 

Your church represents .00025% of the population, and now this Supreme Court ruling affects literally every woman in the country! 
It must feel good to be you.

I'm actually glad this happened. 
I was getting pretty darn tired of those pesky little civil liberties. 
I take extreme comfort knowing that I could be fired at any minute if my employer decides to care about my contraceptives situation. It's more fun to live on the edge like this. 

You probably don't give a shit about my note, though.
Why would you? You're #135 on Forbes' list of largest private companies, and I'm just

another hell-bent floozie hoping to participate in protected sex. 
No concern of yours. 
Well, certainly not now. 
You only cared about me and my uterus until you shut them down, and since you've accomplished that, I'm no more of a concern. 

OH!
AND NOW - You've served as SUCH an inspiration to other religious organizations, that they felt confident enough to write the president  asking that they be allowed to discriminate hiring employees based on their sexual orientation as well!
WAY TO GO! 
Now not only women are being discriminated against legally, but it looks like members of the LGBT community are next! 
You must be so proud. 
Why would you want gays working for you anyway? They probably know nothing about art or decorating. Let one of your straight people deal with silk floral arrangements - just the way God intended. 

Anyway.
I should probably wrap it up - I know you guys are really busy producing discounted needlework patterns and depriving some minority somewhere of their right to work. 

I just wanted to tell you that I think it's really cool that you and all your bros care so much about women. 
I mean you really care what we do with our bodies, don't you? Your need to be in control over our reproductive rights must mean you care! 
So I just wanted to say thank you from all of us. 
Being a woman is already pretty easy as it is, so I appreciate you making it even more effortless that we don't even have to worry about our own bodies because corporations like you have it covered. 
Thanks, guys.
No. Really.

Song of the Summer (Year)

Woah, Gang. 

It's 12:07am and a new video just rocked my world.

Meghan Trainor's All About That Bass.

What I'm gonna do now is let you watch it for yourself before you read on.

Enjoy:

Are you kidding me?!
SO GOOD, Right?!?!

In a quintessential move of Feminine Feminism, Trainor dominates the screen in pinks and purples and glitter and sea foam, all while thrusting body-image empowerment into every verse. 
It maintains a candy-coated sense of humor while remaining true to a clear and concise message: Every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top.

F**k, yeah, Meghan! 

In the middle of the summer when we women are plagued by bikinis and bare midriffs, sundresses and short-shorts, this is exactly the kind of thing we need to be seeing. 

A reminder to all of us that not only are our bodies acceptable, but exceptional. 

I was in a mall dressing room last week when I overheard what could only be described as a gaggle of 14 year-old girls, all beautiful and well-matabolised, dissecting the variety of things that were "wrong" with their bodies.
It was like that scene in Mean Girls - except not funny. 

This song and video are exactly what need to be seeping into the common consciousness of young women in this country. 
Real-sized women with real-sized confidence dressing up, strutting their stuff and having a ball. 

Let's replace the doubts with dance parties, barfing with bows, swimsuit fasts with self-reliance. 

“I see the magazines working that Photoshop, we know that shit ain’t real, come on now, make it stop."

It's the perfect antithesis to the Blurred Lines mentality, (even though I love me some Robin Thicke, I can admit the douchiness), and exactly what women of all ages, shapes and sizes need to be absorbing. 

She's all about that bass. 

I'm all about that song. 

YGG, Meghan. You fucking Go Girl. 

Messages from Maya

Last week the world lost a great light with the passing of Maya Angelou.
She has continued to inspire millions across the planet for so long, and her absence will leave a great void. 
But her words remain forever to continue to fuel, motivate and inspire us.
As you may know by now, I am a major believer in the power of quotes, and Dr. Angelou was a true master. 
From her thoughts on confidence to equality to even hot dogs, she had the ability to perfectly articulate a thought. 
I've compiled a bunch of my favorites to serve as a reminder for me and anyone else to keep pushing forward with love, positivity and determination. 

People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

A wise woman wishes to be no one's enemy; a wise woman refuses to be anyone's victim.

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.

All great artists draw from the same resource: the human heart, which tells us that we are all more alike than we are unalike.

I work very hard, and I play very hard. I'm grateful for life. And I live it - I believe life loves the liver of it. I live it.

If we lose love and self respect for each other, this is how we finally die.

If you're serious, you really understand that it's important that you laugh as much as possible and admit that you're the funniest person you ever met. You have to laugh. Admit that you're funny. Otherwise, you die in solemnity.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels.

The idea is to write it so that people hear it and it slides through the brain and goes straight to the heart.

Love is like a virus. It can happen to anybody at any time.

A cynical young person is almost the saddest sight to see, because it means that he or she has gone from knowing nothing to believing nothing.

I believe that every person is born with talent.

I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself.

Be a rainbow in someone else's cloud.

Nothing will work unless you do. 

I love a Hebrew National hot dog with an ice-cold Corona - no lime. If the phone rings, I won't answer until I'm done.

Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option. 

Don't let the incidents which take place in life bring you low. And certainly don't whine. You can be brought low, that's OK, but don't be reduced by them. Just say, 'That's life.'

The only thing is, people have to develop courage. It is most important of all the virtues. Because without courage, you can't practice any other virtues consistently.

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style. 

I hope you all go out and grab the world by the lapels today. 

On Weight, Wine, and Womanhood

I don't weigh myself.
I don't believe in it.
I honestly haven't known my exact weight for years. 
I can think of maybe three times in my entire life where weighing myself has resulted in anything but a complete mental break down.
So I just don't do it. 

Some people might call this denial, I call it an emotional seat belt. 

I don't think I'm alone in my weight hatred. 
My Weightred.  


I have countless female friends who are uniquely, totally, absolutely gorgeous, intelligent, beautiful, amazing women humans (and to my girlfriends - if you're reading this - YES I am talking about YOU.)
But despite all of this, pretty much all of them have something they don't like about themselves physically. And a big percentage of that is weight. 
(Let me know if I've misrepresented you by saying that, I'd be happy to be proven wrong.)


All that weight is is a number.
But it's a number that has societal implications.
And it sucks. 

I don't mean to sound like a Dove campaign, but why does it matter so fucking much?


I'm never gonna be the girl who turns down a piece of cake.
Or steak.
Or glass of wine.
Or piece of Pizza. 

I like to eat.
I like to eat and I like to drink wine. (And beer. And margaritas.)
I like to eat and I like to drink, and I like to enjoy it while I do so. 
But weight-consciousness consistently sneaks up out of nowhere and takes the joy out of it. 

While I don't weigh myself, I prefer the do-my-pants-fit-or-not method.

(Which can sometimes work better than others. - From the ages of 16 to 26 I've bounced up and down the line from a 4 to a 14 and everywhere in between.)

Some days I don't care.
Some days I'm proud of how I look and I embrace my pear shape, hourglass, upside-down question mark.
I live in the moment and rock fitted dresses and rejoice in the invention of carbohydrates. 

Other days not so much.
Other days I allow myself to crumble. 
I curl up in sweatpants and cry and wish I could take back every gram of fat I've ever consumed and look at pictures of Blake Lively to try and inspire me. 
I fantasize about what it would be like to enjoy swimsuit shopping. 
To wear shorts in the summer, or a skirt without tights. Or order mayonnaise on my sandwiches. 

And you know what? I'm just effing tired.
I'm tired of pretending hummus is cheese dip. 
I'm tired of envying my friends who have faster metabolisms than I. 
Tired of Guilt Flavored Ice Cream, of adversarial conversations with Oreos, of my enjoyment of movies being stunted because of resentment towards the leading ladies.

But, lets be honest. 
No matter how tired I am, or how different I think things should be, or exhausted I am of societal implications, it won't be different. 
After I post this I'll go on with my day filled with restraint. 
I'll have a green juice for dinner, turn down cookies at work (maybe), and try and squeeze in some leg lifts, and still have conflicted feelings about my figure. 
I'll have good days and bad days, my confidence barometer will continue to exist in a state of ever-fluctuation. 

So I don't really know where I'm going with all this, except to say I think you're all beautiful, and I hope you eat a slice of pizza today and think you are too. 

Bold like an Olivia Pope Wine

You Guys!
Scandal is back on TONIGHT!!!!
(I'll give you a moment to dance for joy.)

The gladiators in suits are about to ride on their chariots back in to our lives!
GAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
After an absence that has moved at a glacial pace, Olivia and Fitzie and Scott Foley are BACK!
It's difficult to fully express how excited I am. 

And, not to spoil anything, BUT  DO NOT read this next paragraph if you're not totally caught up - 

Ok Go:

WHAT THE FRACK, RIGHT?!

With Fitz and the House?! And the Mom and the Flight? And The Dad and the Thing?! And Jake Ballard (SWOON) at the desk in the place?! And Huck and Quinn and the Tooth?! And Harrison and the Guy?! And Cyrus and James?! And the fucking Vice President?!

OK - ANYONE NOT WANTING SPOILERS CAN START READING AGAIN NOW! 

Tonight, totally unintentionally, I did something that only Olivia Pope can manage properly: 

I drank red wine while wearing white.

AND:

I DIDN'T SPILL IT!

I KNOW, RIGHT?!?!

 

IT'S BEEN HANDLED.

This is a feat I truly never thought would happen.

I feel so powerful! Like I can conquer the world! 

I can do ANYTHING! 

OHMYGOD,YOUGUYS,ICANSOLVEALLTHEPROBLEMS!!!!!

I AM Olivia Pope. 

I feel bolder than this Pinot Noir!!! 

I want to remember this feeling every day. 

This sturdy but effusive confidence. 

Like I can save my team or my client, or save lives, or save the fate of the nation, or look amazing in a white pantsuit and matching hat.

I feel the non-wine-spilling poise that illicits multiple gentlemen vying for my attention, and the sharpness to solve crime and like I could walk with confidence in heels. 

Thank you, Olivia Pope. (And Shondra Rhimes. And Kerry Washington.)

Thank you for, despite your emotional baggage, being the type of role model who incites this amount of courage in women. 

HAPPY SCANDALING!

POST SCRIPT:

30 Minutes after initially publishing this post, I spilled red wine down my right sleeve.

I feel shaken but not deterred.

I handed it. 

It's handled. 

Pretty In Pink: The Re-Write

So I just rewatched the John Hughes classic Pretty In Pink the other night for the first time in years.
I hadn't seen it since high school, when I thought that Molly Ringwald's character was the coolest of the cool because she made her own clothes and worked in a record shop (Still cool shiz, by the way.) I also thought that the whole story was such a sweet star-crossed lovers scenario with all the warm fuzzies that come with.

My re-watch did not leave me feeling the same way.

In this new viewing, here's what I saw:

This cool, headstrong girl who kicks butt in school and listens to Morrissey and dresses with confidence gets swept off her feet by a sheepish, yuppie rich kid who allows his friends to treat her like shit, and SHE's the one who gets defeated and loses confidence, all the while this awesome guy best friend of hers is left heartbroken in the dust.

Sucky. 

So I've decided to rewrite the whole thing. 

MY version of the movie would go a little something like this:

Andie Walsh (Molly Ringwald) is a working class girl with a struggling but lovable father who lives on the wrong side of the tracks. 
Andie's a senior in high school (The same one where Grease was filmed), and develops a crush on rich kid Blane. (Of course his name is Blane. Is there any more 80's yuppie name than Blane? No. No there isn't.)
And even though she's a social pariah and wears reject hats from Blossom, she's a cool chick with a strong sense of self. And Blane is down with that. They agree to go out. 
Andrew McCarthy plays Blane, and who, despite his very tiny head, is charming. 
But not quite as charming as Andie's best friend Duckie. 

Let's just get one thing straight right away - Duckie is everything.

After we're introduced to him, we spend the rest of the movie wondering why Andie doesn't see how amazing he is.

And as wonderful as Jon Cryer was, in MY version, Duckie is PLAYED BY ROBERT DOWNEY JR. 

WHO WAS ORIGINALLY CONSIDERED FOR THE PART!

WTF, John Hughes?

No disrespect to John Cryer - he's one of the best parts of the movie.

But come on - I think we can all agree that NO ONE can beat RDJ. 

Anyway.
Moving on.

Duckie has been pining for Andie for years, unbeknownst to her (which is pretty unbelievable since he's more doting than a character from a Nicholas Sparks novel, but we'll just go with it.)
But Andie only has eyes for Blane. And to his credit, he pulls some cool stunts, like formatting photos into an early version of IMs ("computer tricks" as she calls them). 

Just for kicks, let's get a load of these babies:

(Amazing.)

He also shows up at the record shop where she works and buys a shitty album. *SWOON* 

So he asks her out. She says yes. DUCKIE IS CRUSHED. (In the mean time he does an incredible lip-sync version of "Try a Little Tenderness", further embedding himself in out hearts.)

So while Duckie is yearning, Blane, with all his money and connections, can think of nothing better to do with Andie than taking her to a party thrown by his douchebag friends. 
Andie doesn't want to go. And like the charming date he is, he convinces her to attend a party against her will where people can be mean to her.  
So basically, this rad New Wave chick allows this preppy dude and his friends to treat her like shit. 

This goes back and forth, then Blane wusses out and starts ignoring her and is a total dick. 
So she flips out at him by the lockers and we're all like YEAH ANDIE! NOBODY PUTS BABY IN A CORNER! (Oops, wrong 80s movie.)

So Andie is sad and she has no date to prom. But then she gets all determined and badass and says the best line in the movie: "I just want them to know they didn't break me."
Fuck yeah, Andie. 
And so she shows up to the prom (where apparantly only pastel colors are allowed) in a BEAUTIFUL prom dress she made, not the Horribly Disgusting one that she actually wore in the movie.

And who should be waiting there for her?

FUCKING DUCKIE.

IN A BOLO TIE!

Do you know how cool that is?

So anyway, she sees Duckie and they walk in to prom together hand in hand.

You with me?

BUT THEN - when BLANE (doesn't that name just really lend itself to italics?) walks up to her and says he always believed in her, he just didn't believe in himself, Andie does NOT end up with him. 

Instead, she realizes she couldn't be with someone so unsure of who he is and who would allow her to be treated so poorly. 

Then she looks at DUCKIE in all of his confident strangeness, and it FINALLY hits her that they were meant to be together.

And so Andie and Robert Downey Jr Duckie leave the prom and kiss in front of giant head lights. NOT her and Blane.

And then they go off and have an awesome romantic life together listening to the Smiths and helping each other accessorize. 

The. End. 

End the Gossip

I've spent way too much energy thinking about other people lately.
Not in the considerate, thinking of my loved ones kind of way, but in the judgmental gossipy way.

It's time for a change. 
As Cher Horowitz would say, I need a makeover, but this time for my soul. 

To cite another wise woman, Eleanor Roosevelt: "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people."
And it couldn't be more true. 
Every time I've left a conversation in which I've devoted a chunk of time discussing other people, I've felt so small. - Something I never want to feel. (Unless it's about my jean size, in which case, bring it on.)

I want to be a great mind, I want to discuss ideas and projects and the COUNTLESS interesting and important things happening in the world! 
How can I justify spending a coffee date discussing the relationship of two people I barely know instead of what's happening in the political world right now?! Or on Breaking Bad?!
Get it together, self! 

We as women need to start making a change.
I want us to understand people and not judge, or even care what they do. 
At what point does it stop being genuine concern or interest, and start being gossipy and catty? 
I want to respect people's ability to control their own lives and not question or disrespect it because it's different from my own. 
(I'm aware I have some control issues. I'm working on it.)

So many factors and variables go into people's lives and choices, and what should I care if people make decisions that are different from what I would do? Isn't that what makes us all special and unique? 
If people didn't think differently from me, we would never have created sports or tacos or high heels! 
And who wants to live in that alternate universe? 

After a particularly critical discussion with a friend lately, I felt actually sick. I didn't like who I was. And I don't want to ever feel like that. 

I took a handful of women's studies classes in college (insert Birkenstock joke here) and I learned repeatedly that gossip is a way that women all around the world communicate with each other. From penthouses in Manhattan to mud huts in Africa, gossip is a consistent developmental form of communication for humans, particularly women. And it's not always necessarily a bad thing, it can be helpful for the development of friendships and society.

However, there comes a point where it ceases to be productive and becomes detrimental. 

From Miley Cyrus to the weird lady at my gym, word vomit has been my specialty lately, and it ends here and now.  

There are too many amazing things on this planet to devote our energy to without letting the insignificancies of other people in daily life suck away our chi. 

To quote Cady Heron in Mean Girls, "Calling someone fat won't make you any skinner. Calling someone stupid doesn't make you any smarter. Ruining someone's life won't make yours any better. The only thing that you can do in life is solve the problem that's in front of you." 

...I've also been watching a lot of chick flicks lately.