Post Holiday Heartache | Tarreyn Land: Post Holiday Heartache

Monday, December 30, 2013

Post Holiday Heartache

Well, here we are again.
It's the week after Christmas, and I've fallen into my annual post-holiday depression.
The gifts are given, the carols are sung, and I am inconsolable.
I had a beautiful holiday with gifts galore, lovely family, delicious food and flowing booze. But now I'm facing the return to reality, and I don't like it. 

I have no eager anticipation, no more holiday cheer, just the post-Christmas blues. 

My wallet has flies coming out of it, my friends have all returned home to their (presumably more exciting) lives, and my (significant) excess Christmas weight has nowhere to hide. 

And along with all of this, a New Year full of it's own hurtles is coming at me like a train off it's tracks, and I'm SO not ready.
I have nowhere to look but forward, and return to the daily angst (WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?!) that I've been blissfully ignoring all month.

Time to write down my (copious) resolutions - only half (quarter) of which I'll realistically keep (I've been vowing to floss more regularly since the early 2000's), and re-focus on the "real" stuff.
Time to dust off my running shoes, give my weary credit cards a break, cut back on the alcohol (HA!), and get down to business.
And maybe, just maybe, I should stop playing fucking angry birds and inhaling Christmas chocolates while I'm at it.

Jesus, this is reading like the first chapter of a Bridget Jones book...

This is going to be a big year for me. I'm facing a move to a new big city, which means leaving the comfort I've grown accustomed to, and finding a new apartment, new job, and spending a considerable amount of time with no foreseeable friends or money. 

I'll continue the search for what I want to do and who I want to be (copyright title for my unreleased Young Adult novel), and let's all keep fingers crossed that I can come up with some answers. 

I'm filled with anxiety about having too many (half-baked) ideas and too little (free) time to execute them all.
I'm filled with anxiety in general.
I can't decide if it's anxiety, or just what it means to be a grown-up (although I still refuse to refer to myself as one). 

BUT - on the other half-full, silver-lined hand, I'm stoked for new adventures, new challenges, and new experiences. 
I'm looking forward to pushing myself and pushing away the negativity (and carbs). 
I'm excited about accomplishing things I have yet to try and to get better at things I've been not so awesome at in the past (like giving up carbs). 

We shall see. 

How the fuck does Beyoncé do it?


  1. GIRL
    we are on the same page! please know my thoughts and prayers are with you as you navigate :) I am looking at a move to New York City alone in like 2 months BY MYSELF, for ACTING. so is it exciting? is it my dream? yes. is it terrifying and overwhelming? will I miss my friends and family and feel lonely? yes. I am wildly anxious, but have vowed to go one day at a time! I realize that life is what you make of it, and I really believe doors open in strange ways when you put yourself out there. I apologize if this comment is over the top!! your blog is wonderful all the time, but tonight I needed to know it is okay to not have everything figured out. I needed to see someone else trying. thanks xo Chelsea

  2. Hey! I'm so glad that you felt connected to this, it's always nice for me to remember I'm not alone too! Thanks for the comment! Good luck with all your scary/exciting adventures! I'm sure it will be great! XOXO