Tarreyn Land Resume | Tarreyn Land: Tarreyn Land Resume

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Tarreyn Land Resume

I've been thinking about resumes and jobs lately, and I decided that it's unfair how little of our personal accomplishments are highlighted in the professional world.
Think about all the things we can do on a day to day basis that are awesome but never get taken into account professionally? I have a friend who can do a dead-on Christopher Walken Impression! And I knew a girl once who could say literally any word or sentence backwards without even hesitating!
All these fantastic skills, and nothing to show for them on paper. 
I've decided to change that here and now.
For your approval, I submit - my resume:

Tarreyn Van Slyke

Contact: TarreynLand@Gmail.com

Job History

  • 2012-Present: Blogger
  • 2006-Present: Full-Time Actress
  • 2005-Present: Ice Cream Sommelier 
  • 2004: Jelly Jar Labeler (Seriously.)

Special Skills
  • Can successfully compete in any Friends or Sex and the City trivia contest anywhere
  • Can (and will) bedazzle anything
  • Can quote Gone With The Wind 70% beginning to end
  • Can make a taco tongue
  • Excellent at personalizing small spaces
  • Perpetually only 3 minutes late
  • Has successfully kept multiple fish alive for over 6 months
  • Skilled iPhoneographer
  • Has invented over 6 different kinds of people watching games
  • Sometimes referred to as "The Baby Whisperer" (By 1 or fewer people)
  • Can eat an entire pint of ice cream in one sitting
  • Computer Skills Include, Not Limited To: Blogger, Spotify, Online Shopping, Oregon Trail
  • Has popularized the asymmetrical bang trim *Unconfirmed
  • Hates talking on the phone
  • Can successfully apply liquid eyeliner in the car
  • Makes the bed every morning
  • Does adequate impressions of Ms. Piggy and Sofia Grace
  • Loves giving presents
  • Excellent at reading the first 30% of books
  • Can drive with knees
  • Has seen every James Dean Movie
  • Invented and coined the term Spalking: Stalking someone's music on Spotify
  • Has Intensive experience with falling down, running into things, tripping
Awards and Notable Mentions:
  • Has won two separate (privately held) Gucamole Contests
  • Received participation ribbon for Thanksgiving Day 1 Mile Run 2012
  • Won a Top Score on Mrs. Pac Man in 2011
  • 2nd Place award in 2007 Halloween Costume Contest
  • 3rd Place in the 1996 Peter Howell Elementary School Read-A-Thon

What special skills of yours have been neglected??

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