The ABC's of the Trouble With Bangs

I've had straight across bangs for a really long time and I absolutely adore them.
HOWEVER... they are a massive pain in the ass.
Being in the tropics with high humidity, lots of hats and head pieces, as well as ocean mist and rainfall has really hammered into me how difficult bangs truly are.
To have bangs, it must be true love. 

Straight across bangs look awesome. UNLESS:

A - you Accidentaly curl a random misfit chunk into them while styling
B - you're dealing with Bad Humidity
C - or have a Cowlick
D - or Dead Ends
E - you don't fix them up Every single day
F - you have Frizzy hair
G - you're Going somewhere in a real hurry
H - you've been wearing a Hat
I - you don't have a curling Iron
J - you Just woke up 
K - you have Kinks in them
L -  they're Too Long
M - your hair is really Messy
N - you Need a straightener
O - you're Out of hairspray 
P - they've been Pinned to the Side too long
Q - I got nothin for this one...
R - you don't have a Round brush
S - they're too Short
T - or not properly Trimmed
U - they're Uneven
V - you're Visiting a humid place
W - you've had them under a Wig
X - Again, I've got nothin...
Y - you decide to cut them Yourself
Z -  They Zig Zag (I know that was a stretch too)