Defending The Cheese In Movies (Other Working Title: Thank You, Billy Zane)

           Soo many great movies out there (and particularly many of my personal favorites) have some element of cheese in them. You know what I'm talking about when I say cheese: the obvious lines, the over-the-top declarations of love, the shecky side characters, bad hair pieces. Often times they are criticized for this, but I applaud it. I love the lame puns and awkward humor inserted into high-pressure situations. I embrace the idea that people can fall madly, passionately in love within 5 minutes. I adore characters bursting into spontaneous song or when completely improbable situations are taken very seriously. 
           But there is a fine line - some cheesy movies are just bad and cheesy and I accept that about them. What I'm talking about right now is good movies, or well done movies, or epic movies, that harbor an underlying cheese-factor. A good example is Titanic. 
           Tonight I saw Titanic in 3D, and loved every cheesy, obvious second of it. It is a great movie. A true classic, an epic piece of Hollywood awesome. What many call a masterpiece. And yet: filled with a beautiful cheesy undertone. 
           That brings me to Billy Zane. Ahhh, Billy. As Cal Hockley your faux-swanky accent, your coiffed toupee and your devilishly handsome smirk make you the perfect good-bad movie villain. As you chased Jack and Rose through the sinking ship shooting at them, I couldn't help but love you. You took horrible lines and ludicrous plot elements (i.e. that ridiculous Picasso/Monet premise. wow.) and made them enjoyable. I also liked your crooked evil friendship with your valet, Lovejoy. Well done, sir. And that's not all - as Mr. Fabian in Tombstone (another one of my beloved good/cheesy movies) you gave a (beautiful) face to the traveling actors in the late 1800s old west. And in Only You as the fake Damon Bradley, I was as ready to go to bed with you as Marisa Tomei. The quote in Zoolander is totally dead on "Listen to your friend Billy Zane. He's a cool dude." So true. I wish you were my friend. 

           Another example that proves my good + bad = fantastic theory: Any movie that involves body-swapping. Big. Freaky Friday. 17 Again.Wish Upon A Star. Prelude To A Kiss. 13 Going on 30. All Of Me. Face Off. See? All brilliant. I literally own half of those. (Full disclosure: I even kinda enjoyed The Hot Chick... no judgement.) There is something so good, yet so cheesy about the premise of switching bodies that it ends up working out amazingly! Billy Zane should make one. I would pay full, night-time, non-student, XD admission price to see it. Twice. 
           I guess what I'm saying is let's embrace the cheese. Let us not judge or scorn, but instead cherish and cultivate it. Let's suspend disbelief and slap on fake mustaches and switch bodies with our teenage selves and burst into song and fall in love in 3 seconds. Cheese does not equal bad. If done properly, it equals levity and charm within the depths of great movies. It equals perfectly implausible, entertaining supremacy. So let us appreciate cheese. Let us defend it. Let us revere the cheese for all the greatness it provides.