My Average Morning

Let's be Honest - Mornings Blow.

They really, really do. 

Waking up is awful. 

Here's a look at my average morning...

9:01 - Alarm Goes Off (Hit Snooze)
9:11 - Alarm Goes Off (Hit Snooze)
9:16 - Second Alarm Goes Off (Hit Snooze)
9:21 - Alarm Goes Off (Hit Snooze)
9:26 - Second Alarm Goes Off (Hit Snooze)
9:27 - Resume dream in which best friend and I are escaped Russian spies trying to lead a normal life in the Hamptons.
9:31 - Hit Snooze
9:32 - Ellie and I have now absconded with the car of the woman who runs the Homeowners Society and are being chased by the Head of the FBI (Mark Ruffalo)
9:36 - Hit Snooze
9:37 - Mark Ruffalo catches us and takes us to a back room in a fish market in the city where he admits he's actually trying to help us and gives us fake passports. 
9:41 - Hit Snooze
9:42 - Somehow I use my fraudulent passport to get to my friend's wedding in Connecticut, but it turns out I am hours late and have to sneak into the bridesmaid's line during the ceremony.
9:46 - Hit Snooze
9:47 - Just as I get comfortable at the wedding and think no one has noticed me, I look up and in the front row of the church, staring directly at me is George Clooney.
9:51 - TURN OFF ALARMS ENTIRELY
9:52 - George Clooney and I continue to make intense eye contact through the entire ceremony, after which he takes me by the hand (we still have not spoken a word together) and leads me to his motorcycle parked out front. He drives me to his villa in Lake Cuomo, but everything is built on hover boards and we jump from trampolines and fly into the villa. 
11:03 - Open my eyes and realize I've slept through the last 2 hours of things I needed to be doing and that I need to get out of bed immediately 
11:05 - Check emails on my phone in bed
11:07 - Check Instagram on my phone in bed
11:09 - Check Facebook on my phone in bed
11:14 - Get out of bed and brush my teeth
11:20 - Officially decide that I'm skipping my run
11:20:34 - Start brewing coffee and turn on the computer
11:26 - WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN WE'RE OUT OF HALF AND HALF?!?! 
11:35 - At Circle K purchasing Half and Half in an outfit that makes me fit in with the group of transients next to the Red Box.
11:45 - Ok. Cup of coffee, computer on, time to write. 
11:46 - Ok, maybe I can just read a couple blogs and stop by a few websites.
1:50 - SHIT I NEEDED TO LEAVE FOR WORK 15 MINUTES AGO!