Drunk Online Shopping & What My Purchases Say

So. 
As you may or may not have heard, Tuesday was deemed National Drink Wine Day.
Well, obviously I had to take advantage of that.
About two thirds half of my bottle of Malbec into my evening, I decided that it was necessary for me to obtain an entirely new wardrobe. 
So - I made the dangerous brilliant decision to do some online shopping. 
As previously discussed, Forever 21 gives me anxiety, but I needed some disposable fashion in my life ASAP. And, by shopping online, I could avoid the in-person trauma I experience at the store.
It started with a simple thought of "I'll just snag a top & a dress."
HOWEVER - Due to a combination of the inebriation and burning desire for new clothes, I found myself not only binge-purchasing, but making some interesting decisions along the way...

Let's examine some of my new wardrobe items and what they say about me...

This shirt:

Donuts are a priority in my life. 

Thus why I ordered this in Large.

This Jumpsuit:

Who says that only skinny models and beautiful ethnic girls have the monopoly on jumpsuits?!
I can rock one too! 
I WILL ROCK IT!
I AM BEYONCÉ!!!!

This Blouse:

I have an unearthed, burning desire to be Jessa from GIRLS. 

This Blouse:

The collar says hire me, but the crop says SHOTS!

This Maxi Dress:

Only 58 days & 9 1/2 Hours until Coachella.... 
(This will go great with my fanny-pack)

This Boyfriend Shirt:

The goal is Brigitte Bardot. 
But let's be honest and sincerely hope it doesn't end up looking a little more Rosie O'Donnell... 

This Floral Set:

Grab me some Doc Martens and a Hole Cassette Tape, and throw on Clarissa Explains It All, because the 90's will live FOREVEERRRRRER!

In other news -  I will be eating Ramen for the remainder of this pay period...