What I Learned from Losing Part of My Thumb

OK. - Not part of my thumb. Just some flesh. 
(But it got you to click, didn't it?)
I was however, engaged in an incident involving scissors, 2 well-intending small children, and a trip to Urgent Care. (where I cried like a baby while the beautiful, stylish Asian doctor who's probably my same age and has her whole life totally together and frizz-free, burned the shit out of cauterized the wound.)
The thumb is fine. It's in recovery.
(And by that I mean I made a splint out of gauze & bandaids and drank away the pain.)

The point of this post is not that I am accident prone, or that I have a low pain tolerance, or that sometimes weird shit happens (although it definitely does). 
The point of this is that I learned a lot from having half of my thumbprint cut off. 

I learned that I need to slow the fuck down. 
That I need to stop stressing about "perfecting" my life and enjoy the messiness that is the present. 
It's ok to have boxes that are still unpacked. 
It's ok to get in fights and express emotions.
It's o-fucking-k to not have written the next great American screenplay yet. 

Time is relative. Don't compete with anyone but yourself. Comparison is the thief of joy. 
All that kind of shiz.

I've been listening to a lot of Oprah Deepak Chopra lately, and it's been really helping me take a step back and accept calmness. To accept myself more and be open to the universe. (Insert crystal healing hippy joke here)

I've had an epiphany recently that I think appropriately applies to my current situation:

Hard does not equal bad. 

The same way leading an easy life doesn't necessarily make it a happy one, going through things that are hard doesn't mean that it's negative. 

My life has gotten significantly harder in the last 6 months. 

I make less money and have bigger bills. I don't know where I'm going half the time - both figuratively (I don't know what I'm doing) and literally (I don't know where shit is.) 
I've become a succulent mother. 

I get overwhelmed a lot. 

But that's not bad. It's just hard. 

And it's hard to do things that are scary, but that's what growth is. And that's good. 

I read a quote the other day that said "someone else would kill to have your worst day." 

And that's super true. There IS someone out there who would hear about my day of bank notifications, relationship stress and thumb blood and think "Must be nice." 
(I picture this person to be a strong, stoic mother of 3 in an impoverished country, but in reality it could be someone who passed by me at the grocery store while I was crying silently about the cost of tampons.) 

If you're willing to do things that are hard, it means you're passionate and determined to get somewhere. It means you're focused. It means you're pursuing your effing dreams. And that's not bad at all. 

Sometimes you have hard days that are actually shitty. And those are just the days that you buy a box of canned pink wine and watch 10 Things I Hate About You. Twice. 

And then you take a deep breath and know that everything can't get done today. Or tomorrow. And you cut yourself a break. (get it? Cut?) 

(Portrait of me by one of my unintentional attackers. Wine by Pampelonne. Drunk by me)

Also - you don't realize how much you use a thumb until it's incapacitated. You can all now take a moment to be impressed at my mad typing skills.  

Los Angeles Captains Log - Part II

Captain's Log. February 16th. 

It's coming up on 4 months since my first mate and I ventured into this strange and wondrous new place. 
It is a marvelous land.
Opportunity lurks around every corner. 
So far it has presented itself to us in many different ways, from amazing career possibilities to unimaginably good Indian food, to meeting Denzel Washington. 

We found a home in the form of a hillside bungalow in the province of Silver Lake. 
Obtaining a place of residence has improved crew morale dramatically. 
We have furnished it about half way so far. We found a list belonging to a man named Craig that has been very helpful, along with assistance from our Nordic friends, Ikea.

I was told before our journey west that driving in this metropolis was going to be the most difficult part, but that has proven untrue. Parking is the biggest issue. 
Over the weekend, the crew garnered a curb-side, non-metered parking spot downtown and it was universally acknowledged a monumental success.

There is also a surprising amount of walking in this city. 
This could be because the weather seems to be so unflinchingly lovely. 
After the initial heat wave upon our arrival, the 75 degree stationary level has been a dream. We find ourselves doing more outdoors than ever before. Picnics, hikes, bike rides and daily strolls are becoming a norm. 

For unexplainable reasons, I have a new deep love for coconut water and farmer's markets. I find myself seeking out organic and almond milk. 
...and then I stumble across a bakery. Or ten.
We have been making rapid friends as well as connecting with old ones. We find our social calendar bustling with new and exciting events: screenplay readings, comedy performances, flea markets, beach trips, dinner dates, cocktail meetings, vintage music dance parties. 
These are all welcome additions to our schedules, if not our pocketbooks. 

All in all, the crew considers our first quarter here a great success. We both find ourselves adapting to the differences from home quicker than expected, and both feel in our guts that we are on the right track to dream fulfillment. Our partnership has grown stronger, and we feel justice and excitement in the decision we made. 

If only we could do something about the size of our bathroom...

Life Discoveries 22

• Never go to bed with a dirty kitchen
• Never look in a magnifying mirror
• If you don't mind looking in a magnifying mirror, then you are a beautiful, confident person. 
• Be concise when emailing busy people and get to your point right away. 
• It's a law of nature that contact lens malfunctions only occur when you're running late.
• Always fill up the whole gas tank.
• Only shoot pictures from upward angles.
• Figure out exactly what you need from IKEA before entering.
• Always carry a sweater.
• The key to creative productivity is the right amount of imbibing met with the right amount of chill techno music. 
• Wear a black bra whenever possible.
• The only acceptable preparation of meat in an omelet is shredded or ground.
• Seriously. NEVER cubed.
• Get copious napkins
• Never drink wine out of anything but glass. 
• (Unless you have to, in which case drink wine however you've got to.)
• Take a class. I promise you'll feel good about it. 
• Like whatever the fuck you want to like.
• SEND YOUR ELDERLY RELATIVES MAIL. 
• Take a whole day now & then to not wear a spec of makeup.
• Write things down immediately or they'll fall out of your head.
• Eat pizza with your hands.
• Don't let boredom or vanity dictate your life.

 

(Pieces by Hsiao Ron Cheng)

YGG, Golden Globes

You guys. 
Did you watch the Golden Globes on Sunday night? 
It was drizzling outside, but inside, the women of Hollywood were MAKING IT RAIN with feminism. 
From Tina's tux to Transparent's win, the 72nd Golden Globe awards were stuffed with girl power. And it was awesome. 

In their final turn at hosting (cue sobbing here) Tina Fey and Amy Poehler nailed it once again, and brought the heat, setting the tone for the entire evening. 

The duo (and funniest feminists on the block) used their opening monologue as a lady-power platform that couldn't have been better. 
In the first ten minutes they:
- Called out Bill Cosby, bringing rape culture to the front of the conversation, giving the clear

cut message that his behavior IS NOT OK
- Detailed Amal Alamuddin's accomplishments in their introduction for George Clooney creating a clever bit about Hollywood double standards 
- Commented on roles for women of a certain age in reference to Patricia Arquette in Boyhood: "It proves there are roles for women over forty... As long as you get hired when you're under forty." 
- Readdressed double standards saying that it took Steve Carell less time in the makeup chair for Foxcatcher than a normal woman does for an awards show .
- Played "would you rather" about the male nominees turning objectification upside down.

All of that in a single opening monologue. 
Bam. 
It was everything good. - The complete and total antithesis to Seth MacFarlane's "We Saw Your Boobs" song at the Oscars that I've been trying to forget for 2 years. 
This article said it best when she said the reason Amy & Tina are so likable isn't because they are traditionally "feminine" or "dainty" - it's because they're SMART. 
Whether the queens of comedy provided the other women in the room with the moxy to follow suit (suit, get it?), or it would have happened any way - the evening bloomed into a full-blown feminist eruption. 

Basically every single female award winner of the evening commented on female empowerment. 

Gina Rodriguez' win for Jane The Virgin recognized her culture who "wants to be seen as heroes" (and has made me cry all three times I've watched it.)

Joanne Frogatt won best supporting actress for Downton Abbey and used her speech as a platform to elevate the voices of rape survivors. "I heard You." 

Maggie Gyllenhaal made me fall in love with her all over again when her speech commended the triumph of roles for "actual" and "complicated" women on screens large and small, saying it was "revolutionary and evolutionary." (She also wins cutest pixie cut and brother/sister team for the year) 

Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin, some of the OG hollywood feminists cleverly and succinctly addressed the haggard "women aren't funny" issue in their intro for actor in a comedy. 

Patricia Arquette heralded struggling single mothers. 

Sarah Treem who won for The Affair stated that women have been "waiting in the wings for a long time, and they’re ready to take center, storytelling stage."

Amy Adams thanked all the women in the room for their strong voices that inspire her young daughter by speaking to her so loudly. 

Julianne Moore spoke out about performances for and by middle aged women. 

And in an exciting final act, Transparent's wins promoted "teach[ing] the world about authenticity and love" 

And even when Jeremy Renner made the douchey unnecessary joke about Jennifer Lopez' breasts, Oprah was there to give him the "aw hell no" look. 

It was an awesome night for women all around, and all I can hope is that this is not a trend but a change. While Tina and Amy are moving on (I'm crying even harder now), they, and the other women in Hollywood who spoke out on that stage, have opened the door and set a new precedent for empowered women on screens of every kind. And it's the best. 

Oh. And Lupita Nyong'o wore glasses and was the most beautiful smart girl ever. 

YGG,GG. You go girl, Golden Globes. 

Unrelated: The Lego Movie was robbed. 

January 12th, 2015

It's officially a new year. 
Well, it's been two weeks, but I live in denial proper. 
While I started the new year hungover with residual glow paint on my face, I've since become more motivated on what I want to accomplish.
I've been thinking about the kinds of goals and resolutions I want to make this year, and the more I ruminate on it, the more they build up. (That also happens when you give yourself too much time to think about it...)

I've got a lot of big plans for you, 2015. 

I'm focusing on the the minor (getting a job) to the important (perfecting the liquid line). 
I'm going stop neglecting this blog and the 10 of you who read it. 
I'm going to write more scripts, be a more patient friend and partner, set mini goals each month. 
I've also decided to start taking vitamins - (what's the one that makes your hair shiny and your skin clear and your metabolism go 500% faster?) 

I thought I would make the resolution to give up drinking, but then I realized that was ludicrous and poured myself a bottle glass of wine. 

I was pondering the idea of body image and how I feel about myself. I decided that instead of resolving to lose weight that I would just focus on being healthier and stronger.
... But then I went to Target and those motherfuckers have swimsuits out already which was basically a neon sign that says "THOSE CHUNKY SWEATERS AREN'T FOOLING ANYONE, YO!"
So it's settled. More salads. Less beer.

I have a lot to do this year. Major steps must be made in my life. 
I live in a new city full of opportunities waiting to be had. I've got to build a home (Not literally - like with Etsy prints & Ikea furniture) and make new friends and figure out an income. 
I still need to finish watching Gilmore Girls on Netflix, and to find a pair of jeans that don't make me feel like Roseanne Barr. 
I need to be more positive and kind. This can be done from donating to good causes to stop hating on things that don't matter, like when couples say "I'm Marrying My Best Friend." 
I'm going to stop spiraling into a self-conscious mental break down every time I accidentally click my phone camera on and it's set on selfie mode. 
I want to embrace farmer's markets and learn a new skill and start wearing anti-wrinkle cream. 

So far I'd say I'm doing pretty well. 
I bought a wallet with "multifunction" in the title and ordered business cards because I am a  strong, sassy business woman on the move. (The Business remains TBD)
I went on a run last week.
I've only lived outside my means for two weeks this entire year! 
Basically I'm crushing it. 

So here's to goals and accomplishing them! 

Let's make 2015 our bitch. 

Oh. And I also need to wake up earlier on the reg. 
And drink more water.
With lemon.
Because I'm worth it.