To all my how-toers, this is my last official How-To post!
There might be some more here and there, but as a steady weekly thing, it will be no more! So I decided to find you guys a bunch of how-to tips and share them all with you!
While I've always been aware of it, recently I've come to fully realize what a highly emotional person I am...
I cry. at. everything.
... sometimes for no reason at all.
It's not usually huge weeping spells - generally its misty-eyed with dribbling tears. It's the kind of crying that looks really beautiful in movies when Ingrid Bergman realizes that the leading man loves her back, or never loved her at all. On me, however, I just look puffy and allergic.
Here is a sampling of some of the things that set me off:
Greeting Cards. Spending long leisurely chunks of time in the greeting card section is one of my favorite simple pleasures, and they melt me! Reading all of the carefully manipulated messages and sentiments opens the flood gates. And that's when no one's written in them! You should see me on my birthday!
Old People. Especially old couples. Especially if they're laughing, dancing, holding hands, catching a bus, sitting on a bench, carrying a lunch box, with their grandchildren, at a restaurant or in the rain.
Movies and TV shows are a given. I cry at everything from Greys Anatamy to 30 Rock. And if it's a romantic comedy (or Glee) the odds increase by about 100%. Also if anyone dies. Or almost dies. Or talks about dying...
Anything that deals with death.
Teenagers
Disney Animation. Don't EVEN get me started on UP. My boyfriend has finally put the kabash on me watching the first 20 minutes more than once every couple months because of the weeping that ensues. Same thing goes with The Notebook - that one leads to full-on hyperventilation.
Strong wind when I've spent time on my hair.
Babies.
Meercats.
The Olympics.
Small but Unexpected road blocks - like when I go to pour cereal and the box is empty, or when the photo booth at the movie theatre is broken - I lost my shit when I was unable to get my Hunger Games themed photo strips. (Typing that probably should have made me feel more like a loser than it did...)
Dads.
Holidays. I love holidays. I think I'm in tears for all twelve days of Christmas.
Drawings done by little Kids. Bonus tears if there are extra fingers, misspellings, badly followed directions or poorly proportioned figures.
Kids in costume
Kids with painted on facial hair.
Kids with their hands in their pockets
Any time a beloved TV show or book series is over.
Sometimes just in general when there's nothing to watch.
Stubbing my toe.
Biting my tongue.
Slamming my finger.
Moms.
Perfect Days
Perfect Nights
Perfect Moments
Annndd of course crippling anxiety attacks about what I'm doing with my life...
For whatever reason, I've been watching a lot of 80s movies recently. I love them - the hair, the mayhem, the dialogue that ranges from John-Hughes-clever to so-painful-it's-delicious. I just can't get enough.
And I've come to a conclusion: For all of their cheese and improbability, there is some nugget of wisdom in all of the 80s classics. Some binding force of keen understanding, the path or way - The Tao of 80s Cinema.
Let me show you what I mean:
Ferris Beuller's Day Off: Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. Pretty in Pink: If somebody doesn't believe in me, I can't believe in them. Moonstruck: Snap Out of it!! Back to the Future: If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything. Dirty Dancing: Nobody puts Baby in a corner. The Breakfast Club: Screws fall out all the time, the world is an imperfect place. Sixteen Candles: That's why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they'd call them something else. Big: Have a drink. Have a couple drinks - it's a party. Footloose: There is a time for every purpose under heaven. A time to laugh... and a time to weep. A time to mourn... and there is a time to dance. Working Girl: Dress shabbily and they notice the dress. Dress impeccably, they notice the woman! - Coco Chanel Say Anything: - No one thinks it will work, do they? - No. You just described every great success story. Ghostbusters: We came, we saw, we kicked ass. Less Than Zero: Everyone is accountable. A Christmas Story: Sometimes, at the height of our revelries, when our joy is at it's zenith, when all is most right with the world, the most unthinkable disaster descends upon us. St. Elmo's Fire: It ain't a party till something gets broken. Steel Magnolias: The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize. The Meaning of Life: You see, life's a game, you sometimes win or lose. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun: Velcro. Next to the Walkman and Tab it is the coolest invention of the 20th Century! Tootsie: Get some therapy. Indiana Jones: In this sort of race, there's no silver metal for finishing second. Heathers: If you were happy every day of your life you wouldn't be a human being. You'd be a game-show host. The Karate Kid: Wax on, Wax off. Risky Business: Sometimes you gotta say what the f**k. The Princess Bride: This is true love - you think this happens every day? Can't Buy Me Love: You can do anything you want, anything you put your heart and mind into! Roxanne: It's not the size of the nose that matters, it's what's inside that counts! When Harry Met Sally: When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. Stand By Me: Everybody's weird. Tron: On the other side of the screen, it all looks so easy. Caddyshack: A flute without holes, is not a flute. A donut without without a hole, is a danish. E.T.: Beeee Goooddd. Dead Poet's Society: No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world.
Take the Tao of the 80s with you today.
Follow the path of optimistic, crimped hair, ray-banned understanding.
Today I was having a wretched day. Nothing serious, all up-town problems, but a bad day none-the-less. I was sure it was gonna last all day. Then I watched a couple things online...
I don't know about you guys, but I loovveee Mad Men. I love the clothes, I love the characters, I love the startling amount of day drinking... I'm not as caught up as I should be, but so you know - there are *spoiler alerts* for up through season 4 in this article.
Here is my list of the TOP 25 Best Things About Mad Men:
1. Don Draper
2. The Costumes
3. It's ability to make you feel like a really good person
4. The Cocktails
5. Joan Holloway:
A. Her Outfits
B. Her Accordion Moment
C. Her Tourniquet Skills
6. The Theme Song & Opening Credits
7. Don's Slide Projector Presentation
8. The Art Direction
9. Betty Draper's Best Bitch Moments:
A. Shooting the Neighbor Birds
B. Slapping Helen at the Grocery Store
C. Shoving Yams in Sally's Mouth at Thanksgiving
D. Slapping Sally for Cutting Her Hair
10. Jon Hamm
11. When Don tells Lane to Fire Them
12. The Historical Tie-Ins:
A. The Kennedy Assassination
B. The Cuban Missile Crisis
C. Marilyn Monroe's Death
13. Betty's Wardrobe:
A. Her Equestrian Wear
B. Her Floral Dresses
C. Her Formal Wear
D. Her Poofy Dresses
14. The Song Choices at the End of Every Episode
15. The Sterling-Cooper-Draper-Pryce Offices
16. Don and Peggy's Relationship:
A. That whole baby thing...
B. "I'll spend the rest of my life trying to hire you"
17. Betty's Fainting Couch
18. Sally Draper's Outfits
19 The Dark Sense of Humor
20. Dick Whitman
21. When Peggy and Kinsey Smoke Pot
22. Cooper's Rothko & No Shoes Policy
23. Don's Good Father Moments
24. The LA Sequences
25. Roger's Silver Hair
*Honorable Mentions* - Peggy's Bizarre Life Choices
- Don & Betty's Bad parenting moments: a la the bag on Sally's Head
- The super creeper Glen Bishop - The Pajamas
- Pete & Trudy's Nerdiness - The Women's Matching Shoes & Dresses - Don's Old Secretary Ida
- The Yearning/Pensive Glances that are always being Shared
This list of 15 audition tapes of famous actors, Natalie Cole, Swimming Pools, The PicFrame App, Using Olive Oil on your skin (more on that another day!)
Ben & Jerry's Greek Frozen Yogurt - Raspberry Chocolate. SO. GOOD!, This Video with Zooey Deschanel & Joseph Gordon Levitt, Getting a new Tooth Brush
